This is not a political blog. I have no desire to rant and rattle on about my political views and why you should or should not vote for this one, that one, or the third one who really shouldn't even be running because he's just mucking up the chances of the second one. There are plenty of blogs exactly like that, though, so if that's the horse you want to ride, well, do a search and saddle up, cowboy.

This is not a blog about the short-comings of the American education system or the stupidity of the next ( or any) generation. If you think the school system failed you and you can still read this, then congratulations,Kilroy! You managed to rise above it. Kudos to you.

This is absolutely not an anti-American blog. I may have named it "Stupid America", but as corny as it sounds, I really do love this country. I will, however, admit I am often embarrassed by it. I just don't understand how a country that once gave us Ben Franklin, Thomas Edison, Sojourner Truth and Walt Whitman could now be serving up Real Housewives, teen vampires, info-mercials, Humvee limousines and all things Kardashian. Where, exactly, did we go off-script? This blog is my journal of musings on American culture and mores as I try to find some answers.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

10 of 10

      Been a while since I posted. It's been about ten months, to be exact. I thought it had been about eight months, but nope, ten it is. Well, I'm back. Got a problem with that? No? I didn't think  so. Now, let's get on with it. Not sure how to go about this, you know, getting my blogging mojo back and all, so I will turn to the tried and true format writers have been using for ages to waste time and fill space when they are trying to think of something to actually write: I will make some random lists. Writers have been making lists since writing began. Famous lists include the Ten Commandments, the Bill of Rights, and Baskin Robbins 31 Flavors. So I will go ahead and make some lists. Ten, to be exact. Ten lists of ten things each, and away we go:

10 things I did in the past ten months instead of writing this blog

Went to coastal North Carolina. Last April. We got there about an hour before the tornadoes did. We were fine, but some very nearby areas were devastated. We were very, very lucky.

Grew a garden. My first. It was great, I grew tomatoes, peppers and cucumbers aplenty. Tried to grow zucchini but for some reason that crop failed. However, thanks to the very mild weather this year, I had fresh salad fixings all the way through October. Can't wait to try again next Spring!

Had surgery. It was supposed to be just simple arthroscopic surgery to fix a torn meniscus in my left knee, but it turned into an invasive procedure to remove a piece of bone that was  wedged under a veil of connective tissue, between my patella and my femur, I believe. Two scars, knee still numb in parts, and puffy. Fun times. But I can bend it without problem now, and that's what counts! Thanks, Doc!

!6 weeks of intense physical therapy, three times a week, about an hour and a quarter each session. I did it all gladly. My physical/sports therapist was awesome. I am forever in his debt. I walk without even a limp. There was a time not so long ago when I thought I would need a cane forever. My advice to you all: don't injure yourselves if you can help it. It blows.

Met some new and interesting people, which is always a good thing in my book.

Watched an entire season of "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills". Hey, do NOT judge me.

Played online Facebook games, most especially, "Glory of Rome". This actually merits a whole blog entry of its own. Talk about your odd little cyber-microcosms! ( Go on, talk about them!)

Sudoku, baby!

Got a really really bad case of food poisoning. The kind where you go to the doctor and then the hospital. The kind where the Board of Health is notified. The kind where they take more blood out of you than a vampire would, and run all sorts of tests. The kind where you think you feel ok and eat half a saltine, and then you wind up in agony like that guy in the movie, "Alien", when the creature burst through his abdominal cavity, and it keeps on bursting through it, again and again, for weeks. The kind where the doctor says,"Your system probably won't be normal for several months", before she runs even more invasive tests. ( I can vouch that the doctor was right, too).  Yeah, that kind.

Read a few good books and lots of mediocre ones. Which leads me to:

10 books I've read at least twice

1. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
2. The World According to Garp by John Irving
3. A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
4. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
5. The Complete Short Stories of Saki by Saki ( H H Munro)
6. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
7. The Long Afternoon of Earth by Brian Aldiss
8. The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury
9. Madeleine's Ghost by Robert Girardi
10. Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maude Montgomery

10 celebrities who shouldn't be famous

Justin Bieber
Paris Hilton
Kim ( or any) Kardashian
Katy Perry
Jennifer Lopez
Nicole Ritchie
Ashlee Simpson
La La Anthony ( seriously? that's her name?)
Anyone from "The Bachelor"
Pretty much anyone from "Saturday Night Live" past the early '90's, except Tina Fey

10 historical figures I'd go bowling with

George W. Bush   Come on, he would be a hoot. As long as he's not running the country, that is.
Oscar Wilde  Think of all the charmingly witty ball jokes he could make.
Dorothy Parker   See above.
Albert Einstein  Well, wouldn't you want to go bowling with him?
Gandhi   He would let me win.
Napoleon Bonaparte He wouldn't.
Elizabeth I  She would probably play a good game, unless the ruff got in the way.
George Washington  Didn't they play ten pins at Mount Vernon?
Leonardo DaVinci   Of course.
Mae West  Of course!

10 places I've never been but would love to visit

The Serengeti
Australia, especially the Outback
French Polynesia

10 fictional characters who would make lousy roommates, and why

Sherlock Holmes  His penchant for practicing violin at all hours is one thing, the opium kept in the toe of that Persian slipper is another...

Travis Bickle, ( Taxi Driver)  Do I really have to explain this one?

Patrick Bateman, ( American Psycho )  Again, do I really have to explain?

Captain Kirk,( Star Trek )  If the constant stream of Space Hoochies doesn't drive you crazy, the Star Fleet issue space girdle draped over the sofa will. Not to mention the bulky captain's chair does not fit with any decor, really.

Chewbacca,( Star Wars)  Two words: Liquid Plumber

Tarzan  not a good choice if your apartment has a "no pets" policy.

Captain Ahab, Moby Dick  OCD does not begin to describe it. Also, peg leg would ruin the finish on your wooden floors.

Hamlet, Prince of Denmark ( Hamlet) Too moody!

Gollum ( Lord of the Rings) Hide your valuables...

Godot,(Waiting for Godot)  You'll never know when that guy is going to show up.

10 things I have never wanted to do

Climb Mount Everest
Get breast implants
Go on a cruise
Play anything at all on an Xbox or PlayStation
Go to the Superbowl
Have a baby
Drink champagne in the back of a limo
Watch the movie, "Rocky"
Be a contestant on "The Price is Right"
Get a body piercing ( other than my ears, that is)

10 episodes of television shows I could watch over and over, and they would still make me laugh

The episode of M*A*S*H where Frank Burns commandeers a tank and runs over pretty much the entire camp.

The episode of All in the Family where Archie is going to be on Walter Cronkite, but the TV conks out

The episode of The Office where Dwight thinks the newly launched Dunder-Mifflin website has become cognizant and is in direct competition with him for sales

The Monorail episode of The Simpsons. "Donuts. Is there anything they can't  do?"

The episode of Frasier where Frasier's boss thinks he is gay, and they are on a date

The chocolate factory episode of I Love Lucy

The episode of 30 Rock where Carrie Fisher plays a crazy writer ( almost any episode of 30 Rock, really)

The episode of The Odd Couple where Oscar takes out his aggression towards Felix while walking in his sleep

The episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus where they go to visit Jean Paul and Mrs. Sartre

The episode of Chapelle's Show with "I'm Wayne Brady, Bitch!"

10 statements culled from contemporary music lyrics that not so neatly sum up my outlook on life on any given day

"Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage" -Smashing Pumpkins

"Where is my mind?" -Pixies

"Don't wanna be an American Idiot"  -Green Day

"It's better to burn out than it is to rust" -Neil Young

"Turn and face the strange changes, pretty soon now you're gonna get older" -David Bowie

"Dance to the Music" -Sly & the Family Stone

"I'll keep this world from draggin' me down gonna stand my ground, and I won't back down" -Tom Petty

"Let it be" -The Beatles

"Ev'ry little thing gonna be all right" -Bob Marley

"I will get by, I will survive" -The Grateful Dead

10 dark thoughts that creep into my head in the bleak hours before dawn as I lay silently awake, trying desperately to get back to the oblivion of sleep

My life is in ruins

I will never succeed

I am alone now, and no one else will ever love me, so I will be alone for the rest of my life

I have made all the wrong choices

I am such a loser

I am good at absolutely nothing. I have no talent and no skills

I am so hideously ugly

I will never reach my goals

I will never be happy again

I am a failure

Now, I know I said ten lists of ten, but there is just one more I have to add:

One thing I say, in the bright light of day, to counteract the dark thoughts

"That's not true!"

Not much of a list, that last one, but it's to the point.


  1. Kerry, I love you and I love your blog. The 10 dark night thoughts so closely mirror my own that If I didn't know better I'd think you had read my mind - Keep up the good work. Your "voice" is a gift.